Not Your Ordinary Girl: Part 1 - Dresses and Rings

So what with the wedding madness in the air (I know of at least 4 engaged couples close to my age), I thought I'd post some of my own personal girly fantasies on the materialistic side of weddings.

Back when I was younger I realized I wasn't normal when it came to what I wanted in a wedding. I think I realized this mostly back in early yw years when we had our leaders/other ward members show us their wedding dresses. Now I mean NO offense by this, but I just wasn't impressed. While all the other girls where gaga over the dresses, etc, I never liked ANY of them. To me they looked the same, and not only the same, but boring and not any more special then any other dress I'd seen.

See I always felt the wedding dress should be beautiful, breath taking, and different from other dresses. It should be a heavenly dress, a dress which is highly unique, perhaps even highly simple or highly intricate. It should be stunning, other worldy and yet down to earth at the same time. To me it would be angelic even. But even to this day I have yet to see anything awe inspiring, as a girl I've looked at many dresses and dress catalogs and yet none ever strike me.

Other girls have always liked all these different wedding dresses, and yet none of them (as bryce would say :P) speak me.

Then we go onto the rings. I've never been a fan of your typical wedding ring. Every girl I see has your typical wedding ring, I've always thought it boring. Pretty, even beautiful in their own way, yet just boring. Fortunately I HAVE found many amazing and unique rings in my girly searches, but the majority of them do not speak 'normal wedding ring'.

I've always felt like my dress, and my ring should be unique. Unique like me, unique like every woman is. It should reflect me as a person, and unfortunately most 'normal' wedding things are anything but me.

I guess I'm just weird like that, and again I mean no offense to everyones wedding rings and dresses. They REALLY are beautiful and wonderful in their own way, it's just not mine. None of them "speak Emberlee".

P.S. However, I realize i probably will never find a dress that will satisfy me, and most the rings I like i'll never afford. Hmmm knowing me I'll end up in a shot gun wedding, have some random ring and a temple provided dress. Being married and HAPPILY married are the only really important things anyways.

Grey Areas

I traveled though the atmosphere as a wall of feedback climbed
The pegs were gold, the band was old, they played in half time
Now every dream gets whittled down just like every fool gets wise
You will never reap of any seed deprived of sunlight

So I have become the Middleman
The gray areas are mine
The in-between, the absentee
Is a beautiful disguise

So I keep my footlights shining bright just like I keep my exits wide
'Cause I never know when it's time to go, it's too crowded now inside
The dead can hide beneath the ground and the birds can always fly
But the rest of us do what we must in constant compromise

So I have become the Middleman
The gray areas are fine
The "I don't know," the "maybe so"
Is the only real reply
It is the only true reply

- Maria Herr "Grey Areas"

Resolutions Update!

1. Become closer to the friends that I do have
2. Become a good role-model for my sisters
3. Get some ABS
4. Be happy
5. Continue to become a better person
6. Go on some dates with at least 3 different guys.
7. Perfect my talents, stop hiding them
8. Spend more time with my family

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1. Is going amazingly well, in fact.. too well!! Idk what it is but i'm even having people come to me and try to get closer now instead of the other way around. I have people constantly txting and iming me, it's pure madness! But I love it! I want be friends with people, I want to reach out and touch the lives of others, I want to bring smiles to faces. I want close friends :)

2 & 5. Going good, I'm trying to change my mannerisms. I want to be kinder, and gentler, more loving. But I also want to retain my own outstandish personality, I want to be loud, and crazy, I want to be strongly opinionated. It's hard to balance the two, but I think I'm starting to find my way.

3. Ya.... I haven't even begon on that one.... oooh booooy.

4. Overal I'm pretty happy, but can I stay mostly happy throughout the year? who knows.

6. Welll idk... is tomorrow a date or is it not? It's hard to tell.

7. Eh, I need to pick up a paint brush soon..

8. Me and my fam have been playing rock band together, and yes it TOTALLY counts!

Sindrine

We got another hammy today :) THs little cutie is a Roborovoski Hamster. One of the dwarf breeds. She'll only grow about 2" long, so she's quite small!

SINDRI

Gender: Masculine

Usage: Norse Mythology, Icelandic

Possibly means either "small, trivial" or else "sparkling" in Old Norse. In Norse legend this was the name of a dwarf who, with his brother Brokk, made many magical items for the gods.

I used this name when i named her, I simply added an -ne. I pronounce it Sin-dreen

Too Good To Be True?

So at the last dance I met this guy named kyle, he's from Gastonia stake.

What can I say, this guy is just plain amazing. I just don't know how to put it but we just 'click'. I've never met someone I've felt more connected to, not even my old BFF Melissa, or any of my other close friends.

We share so many more interests then anyone else I've met before. We love the same books, movies, and most of all music. We both love many many artists and genres of music, we even both secretly think one or two of madonna's songs are actually good. We both also have our nerdy side, we know what Warhammer 40k is, magic, and D&D and we don't care how 'nerdy' they are. We even share the same kind of fashion sense and like the same types of hairstyles. We both also love foreign film, food, and want to travel in some of the same places. We both also share similar ideals, and experiences. We've both been through the depression fiasco, in different ways but with similarities. He knows what it's like to have those special down days. He also is a guy who likes to cook and sew!! Two things I've always liked... and in a GUY!! He's also planning on helping me learn about guns and shooting, something I've always secretly wanted to learn.

In short, me and him are becoming FAST friends, which actually scares me because I'm afraid it's all too good to be true.

Down? Not Really.

Everytime I feel like it's my chance, my turn. It turns out for naught, it's really someone else's chance, someone else needs it more. So I'm left giving up what I never had, yet again, and move on.

I move on and learn more, but still wonder, why not me? But in the end, what's it matter anyways :)

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Soundtrack of my life
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Notes: ( ) = english version of foreign song, [ ] = eng translation of song title, 'or' = alt. song

Pt1

1. Brand New Day - Fireflight 'or' Deliver Me - Sarah Brightman

2. Halo - Haley James Scott

3. High Rise - Ladytron

4. Ludi Invalidi (Dangerous and Moving) - t.A.T.u.

5. Pale - Within Temptation

6. Broken - Seether

7. Goodnight - The Birthday Massacre

8. Breathe No More - Evanescence

9. Polchesa (20 Minutes) - t.A.T.u.

10. Everybody’s Fool - Evanescence

11. Dying In The Sun - The Cranberries 'or' Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy

Pt2

1. Imaginary - Evanescence

2. Valentine’s Day - Linkin Park

3. Memories - Within Temptation

4. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley

5. Are You The One - Within Temptation

6. Empty - The Cranberries

7. Close Friends - Adema

8. Destroy Everything Touch - Ladytron

9. Cry For You - September

10. Gomenasai [sorry, or forgive me] - t.A.T.u.

11. Dust In The Wind - Sarah Brightman

Pt 3

1. Disturbia - Rihanna

2. Stand My Ground - Within Temptation

3. Falling Down - The Birthday Massacre

4. Unbreakable - Fireflight

5. Wild Child - Enya

6. No One Like You - Sarah Brightman

7. Craving - t.A.T.u.

8. Not As We - Alanis Morissette

9. Athair ar Neamh [Father in Heaven] - Enya

7 Resolutions

This year I decided to make some resolutions. I've never made any before, but this year I decided to. As the year goes by I plan on going over the list and making sure I'm following them.

1. Become closer to the friends that I do have
2. Become a good role-model for my sisters
3. Get some ABS
4. Be happy
5. Continue to become a better person
5. Go on some dates with at least 3 different guys.
6. Perfect my talents, stop hiding them
7. Spend more time with my family

New Years

So new years was pretty cool. First I went to Bryce's play and then to the stake youth dance, my first dance in over a YEAR! I had blast, I got to reconnect with old friends and made some new ones!

The next day was just as amazing, I spent the afternoon having tea with Pollie and Sister Ridding. Then at 6pm I went to and have spent the night at Anna's house. I didn't get ANY sleep last night and have stayed up talking on im with some friends.

Overal this past week has been great and later tonight I have Stori's b-day party to go to!