Sunday, February 15, 2009

Old Journal Entry: Lets Play Pretend

Come along with me now, lets play a game of pretend! Lets pretend I never even knew you, lets pretend I'm a happy person. No scars ever marred this beautiful skin. I'm 100% totally sane and in control.

Lets make believe that things are how it should be. Lets think of things how we want them.

Who ever said the grass was green? I think it's blue. It can be blue because that's how I want it. Don't you want that too? The mind can tell you a million lies, and so long as that's what you want it's how it is. All those smiles are real, everyone has only my best interest in mind. Good intentions rule this world of mine.

Lets play in a world where everyone loves you, everyone sees you. Lets play games in our minds, games of truth and twisted lies.
Lets pretend that rose has no thorns, lets pretend we don't see the scorn. I can't see the blood on your hands, on my own. Because I simply don't want to. It's not blood, but lovely lovely happiness.

Those frowns they give, their secret smiles. Those lying eyes, I'll believe the lies. The hateful words, whispering love in my ears.

Lets pretend that I'm beautiful and they all envy me. Lets pretend I'm an angel who has some form of wings.

Lets believe that time never goes by, that love never flies away. I'll just pretend you actually did care. That I'm a happy happy fool who believes in you. At least that last line was truth.

Old Journal Entry: Reality

The words that are written, simple dreams, wishes, and fantasies. How I wish it was reality. But reality is a vast difference from the words. Reality is set apart from the thoughts, and in those thoughts can be found another type of reality. A reality we create from our hopes, and feelings. A reality which we create to protect our delicate hearts, or fuel our burning anger and rage.

But living in that faux reality isn't quite how it should be. But we cannot live without it either, for if we lived without then we would live lives without instincts or feelings. We would become a simple, mindless personage who cannot comprehend the feelings of others. The feelings behind others and our own choices.

The challenge of reality, of all feelings and thought is simple. Remember both realities, and in so doing create something beautifully real.

Old Journal Entry: True Desire

Everyone wants something, the key is knowing how to get it. How far will you go, and how much can you sacrifice? How much do you really want it, and best of all why? Are your reasons for wanting pure enough? Are they genuine and selfless, or selfish? Are the things you want something you can truly desire? Are they worth the desire you have for them? Are they fickle things that wont matter once you have them, or are they things that could stand the tests of time?

Everyone wants something in life, something important and unique only to themselves.
What do you want?

The things you want, truly want, are never changing and always there. The desire is embedded within your heart, it never sleeps, never rests from dusk till dawn. The thought of it brings a peace of mind, a stillness of heart. The desire for it will drive you to it, push you forward, stronger and stronger as you go. And even when accomplished and won, it never leaves, never fades. It carries on, always there, never forgotten, always needed, forever treasured inside it's home within your heart.

Old Journal Entry: Misery

Just because someone is wallowing in their own misery, doesn't mean they see it so. People can create their own personal hell, and not even realize it. They're happy that way, happy being sad, spiteful, or angry. Happy hating the world. Happy in their own pride and misery.

In the end they really are only cheating themselves though. They don't want to reach higher, because to them it's not worth it. They don't want to.

Misery doesn't always seem like misery. It can seem normal, perfect, fine. But what the people who live in their misery don't realize is that yes they are happy, but they could be even happier. They don't realize what they cheat themselves and those around them of. But the ones who DO realize this, and do nothing about it are all the more ignorant. And in their ignorance, lies their ever consuming hell of living in denial. But don't try telling them this, they'll fight you and not believe you and act as if they see what they really cannot.